If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
