i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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