I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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