The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
