That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
