you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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