Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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