If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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