Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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