Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
