he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
