last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
porn star boner night. come get it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
