Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
