I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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