remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
