Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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