There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
