i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
