don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
