You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
