Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
