You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
