I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
