she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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