Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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