you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
