she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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