I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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