sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
is wine microwaveable?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize