Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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