In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
