so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
