whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
