if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
