You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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