How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
