I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize