So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
