I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
