I heard we made out
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
