you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
