no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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