She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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