We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
