My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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