Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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