I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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