the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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