i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
