That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
