this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
