Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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