Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
