from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I would ride that face into the sunset
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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