Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
where does the pee come out of this thing
I am midnight drunk by noon
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Randomize
