Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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