worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
