Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
