I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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