I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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