I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
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