i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
