how can u be prego again
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
