Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
