it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
You left your phone here
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