I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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