Your mouth is God's brothel.
Non-Jews are for practice
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize