A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
