he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
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