there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
