Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
