Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
