Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
